Security

Security....isn't that what a lot of us want? I'm not sure and maybe that is one thing that is making me really sad about my father right now. I know that the one year of his diagnosis is approaching which is swiftly followed by his death. The guilt is bad as well. I can separate my body and brain at work very well and eventully you start believing that you are this other person but sometimes it comes rushing back and you kind of sicken up inside and feel a little lost. I know this isn't unique to me though. Christmas and my fathers death and diagnosis all just comes down a little heavy and I have not been a fan of Christmas for quite some time and this just really relly pounds down heavy heavy handed on my brain. I have been having these dreams that I have been going bald and when I get all these strands in the shower I start obsessing that I am going bald. That would so suck but I guess I would get a wig if that were the case so as long as I am healthy othersise I guess that wouldn't be such a terrible problem. I get my hair color zapped up on Friday which I always enjoy although I have to work on Saturday which kind of stinks since that means I will have to make the blow out last through Sunday. Oh man Christmas can so suck ass and I can be so cynical of things which does put some levity in the situation when I feel bad about things. I feel like a bad cold is coming on which doesn't really help much. I got to do some good yoga today.

Stormy baby has to lose some weight! Haha he is at a whopping 115 pounds although I think just cutting his dinner down and the weight should come off without that much of a problem. After s month we can evaluate further. We shall see!