Our decorating

It appears we have found a vanity that is very cool and Stefan and I are both really pleased with yay! I think we both just like it and it is a tad different and it bears out the quote that I try to remember that it is important to have a style rather than be in style. I am also so so pleased with the colors that are coming together in the bedroom! I just think that color palette is just most refreshing and relaxing to me. Something just says to me yes this is nice and warm. I find I am repelled by the blues in paint colors but somewhat drawn towards the blues in tiling it seems I don't know why. I almost wonder if I like the colors so much in the bedroom if I used to have a bedroom that color or a den that color or something if that is why I find it so soothing or something well I don't know but there is a whole thing with color therapy that I will have to look into.

We are a member of the co-op as of today that is so cool! Stef picked up some organic orange juice which is my choice haha although $4.99 for a can of it is rather pricey ohhhh well it better be amazing ...LOL! I suppose I will just sail through the day with a whole new additude and even spell better.

Oy I just realized I did something ohhh stupid head me! Why the heck oh never mind oh why am I such a noodle head hahah!

Such dreams Saturday night. I slept for a long time but some were fine and some were horrifying to me. Just tailor made horror for Tracey. Couture for Tracey oh how wonderful custom made. I wonder if my body is resting during nightmares or what?

Only four days of work left before my mini vacation and only one on the register so that is nice. Yes very nice indeed!!!!

Why is WIC so hard?

Gosh why is Wic just so darn tricky?? Last week I took in a cheese and let somebody get Pepperjack when they should have gotten cheddar uckyyy! On another voucher somebody got whlole milk when they should have gotten lowfat good grief I don't want to get downgraded to bathroom only cleaner. I mean people probably already think I got fired from the pharmacy and Neil avoids me like the plague when I am on register so I don't want to get kicked off the register as well. I mean on the WIC thing it all seem simple enough when you are going over it and stuff but then when I have a cheese thing I just don't think to look in the book to verify pepper jack cheese although I am sure it would have stated that it is not a covered cheese. I am sure I will have it burned in my memory now though. I also seem to sometimes mess up the buttons when I'm ringing the WIC through I swear I might have done that today!!!! UGGG UGGG UGGGG!

On packing

I will be packing for Montreal next week so I expect to be adding a lot of more fun and interesting information than my last post. I plan on reviewing coffee shops and places to buy artsy jewelry.

Uggg....time slowing down speeding up

Oh I just need to stop it. I fall asleep then I wake up with an anxiety attack and I can't stop it I just keep thinking about times and places of walking like I'm paralyzed time isn't a factor my stinky sweat is all around me and I don't even know I'm yelling and I don't care since I don't know. My heart won't stop pounding I have no sense of my body being attatched to my brain it is as if they are not connected I'm just going through the motions so nobody knows what is on the inside. I'm looking at myself from outside my own body. Keep my legs walking even though my head is dizzy and I don't know what I am going to do with the terror in my brain and heart and I'm alone so alone then and scared oh so scared. I need to stop thinking as this is not helping one bit.

My hope is that writing this down will give me some perspective and let me sleep and calm myself as dizzy detatchment is not what I need. I can end my panic now I can just relax and pet Salem.

Turkey Crazy

After working in a grocery store and ringing up 52,567 frozen and fresh turkeys I have to wonder what the hell is all the ceremony about the stupid turkey. The stupid turkey is 42 cents a pound and people buy platters for it fixings, transport it from states away....think about where to buy it and when to buy it for months prior to the big event The stupid thing is FOURTY TWO CENTS A POUND! The also have to announce over and over again what a good deal this is like it is some sort of secret that a grocery store would put a turkey on sale the two weeks before Thanksgiving...good lord who would have thought of such a novel idea!!! Oh and for those of you that might want to suggest something crazy like eating something other than turkey for Thanksgiving be prepared for looks like you have just commited sins against all of humanity This turkey business is for the birds!!!!

Eating animals

I need to research this as I need Sushi and while I don't see the extreme need to go vegan I feel very guilty seeing those "very young turkeys" coming toward me. I'm sad they never got to grow up and have friends and play and go on trips or anything. I'm very happy that I sell lots of cage free eggs and I hope they are happy chickens. I really really like to wear leather though....I suppose you could wear very old leather though from animals that died natural deaths after long and full and happy lives though. I don't like hunting and I know that people claim they are culling the herd but hunters take the most beautiful from the herd not the sick or the old. People also claim they are at the top of the food chain and need to take animals to feed themselves but why do we decided that we are at the top of the food chain? If you look around us I get the distinct feeling we are so not at the top of the food chain in fact a lot of us humans are a pretty disgusting lot of us....

Just some more animal compassion stuff

While we can’t completely eliminate the suffering we cause, by taking simple steps we can substantially reduce the suffering we are responsible for and even abolish various forms of institutionalized animal abuse. By becoming vegan, in particular, we can dramatically minimize the amount of suffering we cause each day. Being vegan is not about being “pure.” Rather, it is about doing what we can—within reason—to remove our support for animal abuse.



Q. Didn’t God give humans dominion over other animals?
A. It’s hard to imagine the divinity of any religion condoning the misery we cause animals. We deny the animals we raise for food everything that is natural to them. Most have little freedom of movement and are confined in spaces so small they can’t even turn around, let alone access sunlight and fresh air, or socialize normally. They are tormented in ways that would horrify any humane person, and almost always for purposes that are unnecessary. Most religious and spiritual people agree animal cruelty is immoral. If we agree that God is against animal cruelty, then we should end our support of industries that mistreat animals for profit.

Food Tray

As for me, I'm a fan of eating well first, and a vegetarian second :) In most cases it's possible to do the former while being the latter.
...says Jason Truesdell on 05/21/07 at 11:31 PM


enjoy food too much to be a vegetarian, although I'm by nature more a lentils' n' rice sorta gal than a meat-eater. I just don't want to limit my options for ideology or politics. Kudos to Planck for calling it like she sees it.
...says Bad Home Cooking on 05/21/07 at 11:43 PM

well-planned diet is important for everyone. We all know people who refuse to eat vegetables or who seem to live on potato chips and coke. The question I take from this tragedy is, is our society doing enough to teach what a healthy diet is?

Getting close to Turkey Day

I see another horde of frozen turkeys advancing toward me.....hey this is a good deal. Why does everybody have to announce that this is a great deal on Turkeys....like yeah you are the only one that noticed that but be some sort of strangeness that we have sold 46,486 turkeys in eight days. Nope nobody but you noticed it was a great deal. Ha Ha HA but I will agree with you and let you think that you are super amazing for having the forsight to come out and buy a turkey I mean who would of thought to buy a turkey a few days before Thanksgiving crazy!

Man six days of work this week seems like a lot. I'm not sure of protocol though when they forget me on a register. I mean I suppose if I'm scheduled to leave at 3:30 I could flip on my light at 3:31 and announce I need to leave and they would sure take notice for next time! I guess we need to get a good balance of not being a major drama but not just take out anything and everything they want to do because they will abuse you if you let them do that. Well at least I don't work on a register until Saturday because with the handling the money and product I do feel dirty really icky. My hands just get SO SO gross!

Today John noticed that Storm did seem to have some trouble rising wich which deeply disturbs me. I think he may lay down a bit more than other dogs but that I am not sure of. He moves his leg a bit sure of which could be a back issue, but, as I have said before I'm not a trained expert in gait analysis, however, I do have experience. I am trained in being deeply disturbed and upset over my animals comfort and the thought of my pup being in pain actually upsets me so much that I might have to stop typing for a second or look at a shoe website. Maybe I need to take him on more slow walks rather than make him run for frisbies....hmm actually as I think of that I'm thinking that might really be appropriate for his current condition. Ok lots of gentle walking for Storm not hard assed stick throwing will be his current prescription.

Just ..

I just feel like a stupid ball of grease right now. I don't feel good other than I don't have to get up major early or anything right now. I'm just I'm just.

On being kind and generous

Well so while I have frequently thought about this an article in my Yoga Journal got me to thinking about this and since nobody in their right mind would actually listen to me talk at least I can write this stuff down. I and lots of us need to remember that we need to give without any sense of expectation. "Even the smallest gensture of generosity begins an evolution toward true letting go, and our rigit patterns of relation to others begin to change." This is some amazing information to digest and mull over. Once we let go of our irritation we really do feel more joy and much lighter. For some reason in the shower I can start having angry thoughts about who was mean to me so upon stepping out I always think "ok good no bad thoughts today yay! "Ironically giving to strangers sometimes feels easier because we have fewer attachments to them than we have to family. We can relate to t hose we don't know without baggage, free of obligation. But those closest to use, our feelings are more complicated we feel oblicagation and expection, and we can fall into taking them for granted, whether we see them every morning or just on holidays." What wise words contained in my Yoga Journal! I have always thought and said this but it is very very hard to actually live by these words...very hard indeed. This also leads to me to thinking about people on New Hampshire Medicaid and EBT cards do we expect them to have some sort of tail between there legs additude. I'm thinking that many of us do and judge them on what they buy or say. They shouldn't buy lobster or have a nice purse but why am I to judge this. How do I know where this purse etc. came from. I am thinking that they should be just as free from judgement as a person with a gold or titanium AE card. Both customers deserve 100% great and equal customer service.

Can I change history?

So can I change history that is about to happen with a kind word or intervening by telling somebody I care or at least somehow making it count that yes you do matter and you are not going down the right road. It might be very minor but just a minor mistep can spiral into a huge out of control extravagnza and I know I have been there. All of a sudden at work when I am freaky tired then just a simple praise and I have a renewed energy and I realize how little it takes to set me back on course for a little bit and send me back through the day and at least I don't have to do this every single day hahah and make supper at the end of it...hahaha! This is why I have also been really trying to make sure I take time to realize that lots of older people need extra time because they can't hear or they really don't understand or they can't see or they truly have forgotten. They didn't just come to the pharmacy or grocery store to be big assholes to us. I also know that the handicapped, the elderly and the ones that clearly need help aren't going to target me as being strange and will expect me and just thank me for my time or actually anybody willing to spend an extra moment with them. Well in any event I think it is worth the effort to make the attempt to change history because what have you got to lose....nothing! You have everything to gain in fact.

Woman educated or not did they not know?

So I'm thinking as a bunch of well educated woman go through my register at around 5:30pm with their healthy vegtables which I by the way very much encourage and all....they seem to be teachers and kind of feeling a little big smug in their comfort of having figured it all out but clearly they have not. They are talking and they still have to go home after purchasing $250 worth of groceries put them away and cook dinner after putting the stuff, away, clean up then get up early again and start the process all over again. Geez didn't somebody tell them what they signed up for this seems argggg kind of depressing I mean yuck....oh my husband wants me...oh he wants me to look at a spa that we might go to in Montreal. Now that is the smug feeling I like!

Mesmerized....cerebral and mesermising I really like those words.


Montuak Print Handout!Please come and pick up your print from the installation.Thank you so much for your patience. This is where you will get your limited edition photograph in exchange for participating in Spencer’s artwork!If for any reason you can not make it, please ask a friend to pick it up for you.Please bring an envelope, magazine, book or something, to put your 8x10 inch print into.When: Sunday November 22, 2009, between 6pm – 8:30pmWhere: Max Fish, 178 Ludlow St. Between Houston and Stanton, on the Lower East Side. NYC.
http://www.maxfish.comThe print handouts are a great time to catch up with people who posed with you. If you can, stay a whileand have a drink with Spencer and friends. We will be showing a video of the Montauk installation.
We will also be selling this video of the installation at the handout for $20.
We are not in the DVD making business, so this will probably be the only time this DVD is available.
Only at the handout.
When you receive this email can you also send thisto anyone who posed as well, just incase this email does not get to them.The bar is just loaning us the space during business hours,They have nothing to do with the handout other than lending
us their space so kindly do not contact them.
Thank you and see you soon!__________________________________________________________
New:

Stefan and I find this e-mail a little annoying! We had a great time driving the long drive to be in the picture but driving to pick up the picture doesn't seem at all fair. If I lived closer that would be great fun but driving back for a half hour really isn't much of an option!

I'm so worried Storm seems to have hurt his hips or back or something is bothering him. He is only three so he just can't he just can't be encountering problems yet. Oh please no the poor little guy. I put a little more padding on his bed that should help a bit with his comfort level for sleeping especially since dogs don't complain they suffer in silence. My little buddy I just have to watch him and my years and years of examing horses for gait issues is a habit even when it comes to dogs.

I need to stay out of TJ Maxx

Clearly I need to keep my big fat ass out of TJ Maxx! I really go mental well I mean today $12.99 and Sunday around $61 which isn't exactly perhaps mental status and yeah I know mental staus, but, when I buy vitamins, daily cappacinos then hair on Friday for like $125 and brow waxing well it does all add up. Oh and, of course, dining out, as often as possible sooooo I would be a wise tuna to stay out of TJ Maxx expect for on occasion. I did get a most excellent piece for the bedroom so that I can be very pleased at and bras and panties that look amazing with my Little Red Riding Hood costume! Ok enough about TJ Maxx.

What is the deal on backing in parking? Today I was driving into good old down home Tractor Supply and I encountered yet another "stop the traffic guy" and back in. Why was it so necessary that this guy back his car into the parking space? Like what the hell? My dad used to do it my sister in law is obsessed with it. This I don't get. If somebody could please explain to me why they feel it is needed to back in I would appreciate it. Even if I don't get it I would appreciate the explanation.

Today work went really fast as a cashier at Shaws and once again it was wine night! Wednesday night is so funny it is wine night. Most customers seem pretty funny though and that makes is so nice! I never realized how stinking hard it is to bag and customers give so much direction as exactly how to bag and do this and do that in fact they never give me this many direction on filling a schedule II narcotic! I suppose because we could just say no way when filling dialudid or something haha! I do really hate it when people make the assumption that I am dumb and it surprises me of late who makes these assumptions and who doesn't. I am making some nice new friends on the front end that I really never thought possible and they seem like they are going out of there way to say hi to me even when I am in the pharmacy this makes me feel so so so good and special! A little hi goes a long way I have found and this probably works for a lot of people although not everybody but most.

Some vivid dreams

I had these strange and vivid dreams that a whole bunch of us Stefan and I were at a party and a little midget kept wanting me to kiss him so finally I was like oh ok and he had really really bad breath!! Ugggg! Then we were right on a pond or ocean or something with big giant crocodiles or alligators I'm not sure of the exact species and some dumb teenage boys swam out to look at them and the animals grabbed them and I was like oh boy this is annoying and the animals went into a death roll and killed them! It was really quite awful...OH I hate it when I dream of blood and carnage and death.

Just starting out

Well this is my first post and so I am going to be really finding a rythm and all. I tend to misspell a lot but I would rather let my juices roll a lot and get out what I have to say so that is how it goes. That is just how I roll. I am also grappling with issues like just how much do I say and how private do I get but I figure I am going to go on a case by case basis depending on my mood. I'm reading a most wonerful book that I had forgotten about called A Tree Grows in Brooklyn. I had this book in High School and we went over it very deeply in Women in Lit and oh what a wonderful wonderful book that starts out in 1912. This poor girl is yearning for just one book of her own wow. Well anyway I like it a lot although I sure didn't mean to order two of them.

Ouch I just pulled my hair by mistake ohhh ouch!