Thursday, November 26, 2009

Uggg....time slowing down speeding up

Oh I just need to stop it. I fall asleep then I wake up with an anxiety attack and I can't stop it I just keep thinking about times and places of walking like I'm paralyzed time isn't a factor my stinky sweat is all around me and I don't even know I'm yelling and I don't care since I don't know. My heart won't stop pounding I have no sense of my body being attatched to my brain it is as if they are not connected I'm just going through the motions so nobody knows what is on the inside. I'm looking at myself from outside my own body. Keep my legs walking even though my head is dizzy and I don't know what I am going to do with the terror in my brain and heart and I'm alone so alone then and scared oh so scared. I need to stop thinking as this is not helping one bit.

My hope is that writing this down will give me some perspective and let me sleep and calm myself as dizzy detatchment is not what I need. I can end my panic now I can just relax and pet Salem.

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